Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen

The Jerk Store

Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen - the definitive guide to all things Van Halen. Join comedy's own Stephen Alan Yorke and Cheap Meat's Ross Drummond as they actually DO talk 'bout everything Van Halen... with a few pointless tangents in between. You'll laugh! You'll cry! Perhaps you'll side with team David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar. And maybe you'll pick up fashion tips from Gary Cherone and his leather waistcoats!

  1. 22/08/2024

    Episode 39 - Mammoth WVH - Live in London - July 2024

    Greetings upon greetings to all VH-loving speaker systems everywhere! Yes it's that time again for another issue of your _(insert number here)_st / nd / rd / th favourite Van Halen podcast that’s out there on the digital broadcast cyberhighway! Now we do like sailing along in our relationship with you dear listener, but like any good relationship it's important to spice things up every now and again to keep things interesting isn't it... that's why this episode has temporarily moved away from all and any VH-related record analysising and, following a successful field trip to London's O2 Islington Academy, we've moved on to this podcast's first live gig review of... Wolfie's recent Mammoth WVH show!! EXPECT... Rig-rundowns! Accidental knife smuggling! Encore debates! Audition tales! Flammable near-misses! And soOo much more.... Do enjoy the show, but before you leave please pick up any litter and take it with you.What do you mean, "Why?"You wouldn't leave your own house in a mess like that would you??No. Exactly.Thank you for your co-operation. Also! if you are so inclined and have access to both a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone. Whatever we see we'll deffo read it out.... the good, even the bad and especially the ugly. You can also message or mention us on that angry social place that has since rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen and on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen Enjoy the show, dear podpal!Thank you for being here and not over there. Fistbumps aplenty, Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.

    1h 22m

  2. 24/05/2024

    Episode 38 - The Collection II

    Ahoy there, dear listener! Your audio pals Steve & Ross are back casting pods around Lake Internet and reeling them in to bring you a review of their latest catch — The Collection II! And to pursue this totally random angling analogy a little further; there's nothing fishy going on when such a treasure trove of previously unreleased Sammy-era VH treasures are released into the wild and served up for us salivating fans to feast upon with a side order of corkscrew-hair-shaped Hagar fries. Thanks to Mister Drummond of course for sacrificing his future pension plan by allowing us a peek inside his own personal box set edition, after delicately cutting a tiny portion of the protective cellophane with surgical precision to reveal a glimmer of the goodies within. Expect insights and outtakes, factoids and trivia, assessments and critiques, tangents and nonsense and loads of silly voices as usual.  Also, if you are so inclined and have access to both a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone. Whatever we see we'll deffo read it out.... the good, even the bad and especially the ugly.  You can also message or mention us on that angry social place that has since rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen and on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen  Enjoy the show, dear podpal! Thank you for being here and not over there.  Fistbumps aplenty,  Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.

    1h 23m

  3. 12/04/2024

    Episode 37 - Mammoth WVH - Mammoth II

    Podderers!Podbods!OnlyPoddyFans! Seeeeee!! As promised, it's not been an eternity of decades since the previous episode has it! Say what you like about this poddington-pod (and if you've ever read our reviews you'll know that some people certainly do) but we are true to our word... as long as we don't have to sign anything official that legally binds us to it of course. And we're proper delighted to be devoting this latest instalment to our favourite celebrity Wolf! (With Wolf from the 1990's UK version of 'Gladiators' and that alpha wolf animal actor from Liam Neeson's 2011 action romp 'The Grey' coming in second and third.) But we're not just talkin' WVH, more specifically his recent(ish) mighty second album! So sit back and pump up the jam (or the volume if you don't care for fruit preserves) as Steve & Ross use a variety of theoretical stainless steel instruments to dissect and review 'Mammoth II'.... via all the usual tangents plus unplanned but welcome appearances from their old friend Ringo Starr and new friends Mrs. Laila the Cow, Fake Elvis and Michael 'Mister Jazz' Baskette. Also, if you are so inclined and have access to both a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone. Whatever we see we'll deffo read it out.... the good, even the bad and especially the ugly. You can also message or mention us on that angry social place that has since rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen and on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen  Enjoy the show, dear podpal! Thank you for being here and not over there.  Fistbumps aplenty,  Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.

    1h 37m

  4. 13/03/2024

    Episode 36 - What's new in =VH= World 2024

    We listened, dear Listener!  Yes, after spending thousands upon thousands on expensive podcast focus groups we listened to the feedback... and after kindly giving the world's ears a deserving year and a half's rest from our nonsense – WE'RE BACK – to broadcast more flights of fancy from the Van Halen chopper! Well, a news broadcast to be precise. Since it's been so long, there sure is a heck of a load for us all to catch up on. Mainly thanks to the D to the L to the R, who has definitely not been inactive during this period and kindly given us an endless cavalcade of shocking shenanigans to dissect and discuss. No spoilers here though – all of this tantalising talk and more in a brand new(s) episode! Also, if you are so inclined with access to a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone.  We also welcome messages or mentions on that angry social place that has since been rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen  And on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen Enjoy the show, dear Listener! Thank you for being here and not over there. Fistbumps aplenty, Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ. PS. Here's the links that Ross mentioned during the episode: John 5 talking about working with DLR - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP8KJzTlrzA    EVH 1998 Studio Tour - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpzyxHnN7HM

    1h 8m

  5. 15/09/2022

    Episode 35 - What's new in =VH= World 2022

    Greetings most excellent listener! Ohhh hang on, you’ve got your angry face on…. Yes yes, you have every right to be annoyed – downright irate in fact. But if you’re gonna blame anybody for the almost-a-year delay between episodes, blame nature…. Steve + Ross went into hibernation last October, and one of the bears in their colony annoyingly (and rather typically) forgot to put the alarm on. And whilst they’ve both been snoozing and inwardly feasting upon their stored fats and blubber, what a (nearly) 12 months it’s been!

    1h 23m

  6. 24/10/2021

    Episode 34 - 2 Steves 1 (Franken)Strat

    It was probably the legendary Freddie Mercury who put it best... "One man. One goal. One mission. One global lockdown. One replica guitar. One work station. One spray can. ONE VISION." Er, it went something like that anyway…. The point is, without knowing it, Lord Mercury coincidentally and unwittingly predicted the future project of Mr. Steve Reekie – talented guitarist and friend of the ATBVH podcast – who undertook the building of a totally playable and highly-detailed replica of Edward Van Halen's ultra-iconic Frankenstrat guitar during the UK’s 2020 Covid lockdown. (It’s at enviously impressive times like this that the rest of us wish we hadn’t spent each lockdown combined attempting to bake the perfect loaf of banana bread.) In a podcast first! ATBVH’s first ever guest, Steve joins Steve (the other one) and Ross to discuss the step-by-step steps of how Frankenstrat’s unofficial yet just as handsome British cousin was born. PLUS! Your eyes can also watch along! By going to Steve's Instagrams @steveohhno and observing the accompanying pics and vids. But that’s not all…. ! EXPECT! Mind-blowing insight on how EVH created parts of the original axe! MARVEL! At Sherlock Holmes-levels of cigarette burn analysis! REJOICE! In hearing Steve (not that one) and fellow musician Ross converse in such impressive guitar vernacular that they sound like two doctors discussing complicated surgical procedures! And remember, dear listener! Keep on carrying on messaging us on the Twitters at @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. And if you leave us a sexy podcast review we’ll give you the shout-out equivalent of a saucy post-date peck on the cheek. (With tongues.) Cheeeeeeeers!

    1h 2m
  7. Episode 33 - Mammoth WVH

    30/08/2021

    Episode 33 - Mammoth WVH

    SUMMON THE DEVILS! AWAKEN THE DEMONS! DILUTE THE SPIRITS! WE ARE BACK! So after reading a random article about wild bears and the benefits of annual hibernation, Steve and Ross return from a refreshingly deep January to August sleep (off-grid in a bunk bed in the woods) to bring you a brand new episode of ATBVH! And as a special reward for waiting around this long, dear listener… we’ve veered off the path (yet again) and parked our current mission of documenting and reviewing Samuel Roy Hagar’s pre-VH solo output (er, yet again) to bring you a special topical review of the artist formerly known as Wolfgang Van Halen’s brand spankingly-new debut solo album ‘Mammoth WVH.’ Rumours of such a project were teased out there on the VH grapevine as we recorded our premiere episode back in 2016, so this has been a long time coming. Though not quite as long as the album, which will be an even bigger hit to those who like getting more bangers for their bucks! And how Alanis Morissettely ironic that a podcast notorious for stubbornly long episodes should arrive at one of its shortest ones. (Or ‘normal episode length’ as all the other podcasts call it.) Don’tcha think? Words will be spoken! Opinions will be given! Insights will be shared! Nonsense will be uttered! Tangents will be accessed! Personnel will be impersonated! And if you fancy having yourself perfectly preserved in audio format from now until eternity ends, then drop us a review or a message and we’ll give you the mother of all vocal shout-outs. The grandmother of all vocal shout-outs, more like. No! The great-great-GREAT-grandmother of all vocalised shout outs. THAT’S how big it will be. Message us on the Twitters at @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. And a podcast review is especially appreciated – good ones are proper lovely (and bad ones are well funny), so do keep ‘em coming! Until the next time… cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers and hand-sanitised fistpumps!

    1h 38m
  8. Episode 32 - Cheap Meat | People Are The Worst

    25/01/2021

    Episode 32 - Cheap Meat | People Are The Worst

    If you're in a band that exists purely because of Van Halen AND you have a longstanding podcast about the band, THEN you have your debut album coming out, what do you do?! Well, you hope the fans of the show will get stuck in and listen as Ross and Steve go through the album track by track! We're talking Ross' band Cheap Meat, and their Debut Album People Are The Worst! It's a big un! From Robert Burns history to Whitesnake guitar solos, making the old granny's in Cultercullen cry via Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics. We've got it all. And be sure to go ahead and get a copy of the album via https://cheapmeat.bandcamp.com AND HEY, DON'T FORGET.... we use a fancy telepathy app to type with our minds on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts, and we'll shout you out via spoken fireworks in our next episode. However, if you want the biggest shoutout since records began... give our podcast a review on one of the many reputable podcast outlets for an absolute ticker-tape parade of a mention. Stay safe out there, dear listeners! Wash your hands, scrub your toes and more importantly.... be excellent to each other.

    2h 26m
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    4.6
    out of 5
    11 Ratings

    About

    Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen - the definitive guide to all things Van Halen. Join comedy's own Stephen Alan Yorke and Cheap Meat's Ross Drummond as they actually DO talk 'bout everything Van Halen... with a few pointless tangents in between. You'll laugh! You'll cry! Perhaps you'll side with team David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar. And maybe you'll pick up fashion tips from Gary Cherone and his leather waistcoats!

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